Twitter Exile Update #5 and Shipwrecked: What A Load Of Plebs

• Danni, the buxom law student from Essex who defies 90% of the stereotypes that Essex girls hold close to their large chests. Seriously though, she’s really nice (and hot)
• Ashley, the Mancunian lesbian who’s more down to earth than an earthworm and she’s a vegetarian, so that’s two reasons (out of a million) why we could never be together
• Carl, the model Scouser who’s really just a bit of fun and doesn’t take things too seriously unless you rub his friends up the wrong way (best kind of friend to have)
• Kate, the “larger than life” Londoner, self proclaimed wheeler dealer who had to abandon her game plan after being outed and now just wants to make friends

Now, I’ve been quite biased in my descriptions which may give you a reason why I hate “The Hills” so much. They are, in short, nasty pieces of work. Watching their lies and deceit unfold reminds me of a horrific mix of Lord Of The Flies and Britain as it is under this Tory government (cos let’s face it, the Lib Dems are marginalised enough for their names to barely get a mention on TV unless they fuck up royally). The Hills are the “rich, prosperous folk who rule the roost” and The Slums “live barely teetering on the bread line, not wanting to better themselves, bless their polyester socks from Sport Soccer on sale for £2″. Anna seems to think she runs the show, giving the air of the most arrogant of twunts you could ever meet, even going so far as to look disgusted by the presence of herself during her one-to-one interviews, the smug cow. (Of course, this is pre-recorded and the show has already happened, but let’s pretend they’re currently horrible parasites as opposed to TV imbeciles.) Her choice of “alpha male” comes in form of Bear, a man who is one manly slip of the hand away from a gay orgy. To call him an airhead is like claiming The Pope is only slightly religious. But that’s how it really happens on TV and in real life; the island is like a nightclub to them. While they’re there, people hook up with anyone, no matter what they look like or how they speak. In the real world, they wouldn’t even piss on them if they were on fire. Same sort of situation with Brimes and Dominique. As stated before, Dom likes Chris Brown-types *snigger* while Brimes thought there was something there. Or maybe there was, who knows (or cares). Either way, superficial is the name of the game with The Hills.

Every week, they vote for who they think should be island leader, with people standing for election with their themed weeks. Currently, The Hills have it rigged so one of the group get voted in every week as they have majority (where’s the alternative vote when you need it, eh?). Each elected leader gets a bead and the last leader can take a bead off someone else and give it to someone who they think deserves it. Sound a lot like the Tories taking money from the taxpayers and giving it to… the bank, perhaps? Or just keeping it for themselves as the working class exist to facilitate the upper class through a life of servitude. Or something. The worst thing is, everyone in The Hills think they’re alright because one of them will win and that’ll make them feel good. Little do they know Tristan is backstabbing them all (David Cameron?). Bearing in mind only ONE person can win, what benefit is it to the “losers” if they help someone else win? That’s the part I don’t get. I suppose it’s like when Arsenal fans support any team that plays Man United. At least I understand that in a way but wouldn’t waste my time with that level of nonsense.

I guess what I’m really trying to say about the whole charade is pretty much how people behave in Britain. We have the rich and the poor, the poor hate the rich and vice versa. Communities are more like self-segregating ghettos in towns and cities, nobody wants to talk to anyone and when shit hits the fan, it’s either the fault of Labour, students, black peoples, Asian people, immigrants or terrorists (and of course, they’re all Asian so they’re even more screwed). On the island, there was even an incident where people who decided they didn’t want to watch a pig get slaughtered were “cowards” and “hypocrites” if they didn’t watch but ate the meat. Sounds a lot like the way people are treated when they are looked down at when they turn their nose up at unpaid voluntary work and prefer to not work but actually get money. Perhaps if we stopped and looked at ourselves before we started looking at others and how everyone else is doing it wrong and worked together, we wouldn’t have such a shit nation and society to live in. Until then, we’re stuck with The Hills ruling forevermore. Sorry Gil, but the revolution WILL be televised.